The NO woman is the HEALTHY woman

Today, women are massively acculturated to play the roles the society and systems expect us to play.

A couple of years ago I was listening to Gabor Maté in an interview on why women are sicker than men when it comes to autoimmune and chronic illness. Basically, we tend to develop chronic-anything due to:

• our constant dedication to nurture others and emotional concern for the needs of others. Women are made to care, right? (what the culture tells us)

• suppression of healthy anger. Angry women are not beautiful, right? (what the systems require from us)

• increased identification with duty or responsibility. This is what women do, right? (what the designated roles are)

These all lead to 80% of autoimune diseases being taken on by women, according to a statistics in USA. I don’t think these percentages differ too much from country to country in the Western world. Now, this newsletter is not about gender or rage against men. I don’t care about that, it’s never the way to go when you want to build harmony. But about getting us on healthy, more aware mindsets and start rearranging our lives in a manner that shows more respect towards ourselves, our bodies and subsequently our families and communities.

This is me in the photo, in a high level position, earning Grand Effie, the top award in advertising and communication, 2017. This is also me in burn-out, surrounded by narcissistic colleagues, with high inflammation and eating incredibly bad. Unhappy, but saying yes to everything because no made me the villain.

YES is what we need to unlearn!

So, are you saying yes instead of cultivating the healthy no-s? And most of all, why are you still doing it against your better judgement?

When a woman is healthy, so is her family, work, community, country. When the woman learns to say no, she begins true healing.

I was the yes woman to anything. I think if there would be a PhD in saying yes to a lot of things I would have graduated Magna cum Laude. My yes-es came from:

• the need to connect with others. I used to go on vacations that stressed me or were completely different from how I love to travel, only because we were in a group and did not want to miss time with my friends. I used to go out or do stuff just because others reached out to me.

• the need to be adopted by social groups and norms. We are never taught that being a healthy, aware individual is the basis for creating a coherent group or community. At work, with friends, etc. So I said yes to jobs that got me sick or to colleagues that displayed extreme narcissistic behaviour. In their presence and with their validation, I was also…different, exceptional.

• the need for fame. I grew up too much in front of the TV and movies. The presence of my caretakers was scarce and mostly centred around intellectual and work related pursuits. Needs are nevertheless emotional and can’t be fulfilled with tons of books or classes. They require presence and practical guidance from parents, caretakers and so on. I was left alone in a world of imagination while reality became something I had to run from, there I could not feel seen or understood. My role models were actors and stories. And even though my imagination got a crash course, my emotional experience was poor and seriously lacked roots in the mundane. I entered adulthood with the need to be seen and noticed how special I was. I had to learn that I was special without being seen.

A NO woman is a HEALTHY woman

A couple of years ago, while I was literally fighting for my life I said: Fuck that! Life is not a struggle. Life becomes a struggle when there’s lack of alignment between needs and actions. My sacrifice never helped nobody, nor it was seen or appreciated the way I needed to. And how could it be? Nobody ever can love you the way you need to love yourself.

Us astrologers know that when we open your natal chart (or any other chart, there are a lot), we immediately look at your Moon. The entire chart then tells us whether that Moon is being taken cared of and if not, how we can guide you to feel better in your life. That’s and essential part of your life.

What are the needs that you are trying to fulfil indirectly through others (the yes-es), even (or especially) at your own expense (the no-s)?

If you are ascending, then you can help others ascend too. If you are only supporting others to ascend, on your shoulders, you will drown. It’s logical, right? Even visual. This is not egocentric, this is living smart.

Here are some of my tips, from my own experience and practice on how to finally start to put yourself first, the smart, practical way.

Learn to be the center. Of your body temple. Of your life. Of your family. Of your workplace. Of your community.

1. Start your day with less coffee and more self-awareness. It only takes 5 minutes to place your hands on your heart and belly (the energy center) and breathe deep. A quick pranayama exercise can re-center you after a long night (with good or bad sleep) and bring you in your body. It’s as simple as: breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, release for 6 counts. Do it 5-6 times and see the benefits. Then think: what do I need in that moment? Is it touch, is it kindness, is it a smile, is it peace? Then give it to yourself and think how you can practice that state during the day.

2. Start observing yourself throughout the day with more awareness. Are you saying yes to things, people, actions because you really think they will do you good or are you just scared to be left aside or forgotten or not included? Saying no is a skill that women are not taught in families or schools or society. It’s shameful for us to abandon others or to not agree to stuff? Isn’t it?! You can count your yes-es throughout a day or week and then analyse, how many of them really nurtured you.

3. You don’t need to work by yourself into burn-out just to earn more money, get more fame or success. Learn to ask for support and help. Ask your friends to help you. Give a clear role to your partner. Usually men feel more accomplished when we give them projects, missions. Women offer men purpose. You are not weak if your are asking your man to support you or take more on his shoulders. You are giving him purpose to serve, to be meaningful, to be seen.

4. You don’t need to absorb the stress of your work boss or colleagues, family or partner. Learn to observe and distinguish what’s yours and what’s not. Give feedback assertively. Yes, with kindness. But don’t absorb. It will only get you to fully transmute energetically what’s not yours and the problem will not be solved rationally, objectively. I can give you a simple saying to repeat: God, please give me only what it’s mine to receive.

5. Remember that kids practice what they feel from you and see you do. It’s not what you tell them to do. Now that you are responsible for the next generation, isn’t it better to start rewiring your choices to fulfil your needs, today?

Take 2-3 of these and see how you can rethink a bit your life so that your needs come first. Systems change when we no longer abide by the cruelty we learn as being the normal.

Women lead the ship, including the healing ship.

I have some news for you. I am currently rearranging my community and channels and soon this autumn, I will be serving you from a different place. Women Are Healing newsletters will arrive in your inbox the same way, at the right time, but from another service. I am also preparing a shop with a lot of goodies to support your path. More on these, soon.

Until next Monday, take care of yourself and please please please, say NO! If you missed some of my previous posts, then here are 2 related to today’s newsletter.